Lonely Hearts Club
Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. -Haruki Murakami
It may or may not be February when you read this. But all of us can remember the annual season of Valentine's hearts wherever we look. You’ve likely added to the fortune of Victoria's Secret as they capitalize on our hormonally infused aspirations of coital bliss. You may have also been part of the non-coupled population who is alone and often deeply resentful of all the hoopla.
I've been alone on the 14th before, drinking wine, listening to Cowboy Junkies, and wondering, "Yeah, where are you tonight?" I've been a part of singles-night rebellions to the annual couples-fest, where I've hit the town with others of my lot and pretended we didn't care. But we each still went home alone at the end of the night. And if any of us were honest, there was something about it that stung.
Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world
is scared of each other.
John Steinbeck
This is not to equate being alone with loneliness. The two are definitely not the same. One can be lonely in a crowd of people, even familiar people. The kind of lonely we experience with our families, our boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses is the most poignant of all.
Any adequate discussion of the origin of this loneliness would be far too large to fit in this space. But there can be no question that loneliness is a word that lies near the core of our human troubles. It is also (ironically) true that our fear of one another creates a chasm that is difficult to bridge.
I want to be with those
who know secret things or else alone.
Ranier Maria Rilke
One thing seems certain, if we are to survive, we must address this loneliness conundrum. We need to create communities filled with people who are not afraid of each other. A world where we no longer feel the need to lock our doors and sleep with guns under our pillows.
We need to dust off our natural curiosity about the world and the people in it, instead of hiding behind ignorance and misunderstanding. And we need to figure out how to see ourselves as more alike than different.
Loneliness is the human condition.
Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you
allows your soul room to grow.
Janet Fitch
We must learn to see our own reflections in the faces of the happy couples around us. And we need to accept the importance of cultivating solitude.
Maybe if we can be okay with ourselves, we can enjoy being by ourselves, as well as with others. Maybe if we can be okay with ourselves, we won't always need to be part of a couple. Or maybe if we can be okay with ourselves, we will attract others who are okay with themselves. And then none of us will need to be alone.
Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world,
as everyone has experienced it.
Jarod Kintz
So if you find yourself single on Valentine's Day or any other day, there are all kinds of ways to not be by yourself. The main thing to know is that if you are feeling lonely, you're not alone.
***
The desire for belonging is something we all share and is one of our core human needs. One of the best ways to counter the feeling of loneliness is to connect with other humans in meaningful ways.
Here’s a chance to find that belonging while you take a break from your busy life and deepen your connection to your partner/pal, yourself, and your world in playful new ways.
This one-of-a-kind retreat is your permission slip to connect to like-minded humans, reclaim your creative birthright, and gain creative skills that will help you to thrive in all aspects of your life.
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
- Picasso
Wanted to let you know I am truly enjoying reading "Happiness is An Imaginary Line in the Sand" while out at the lighthouse. I am choosing to read and reflect on one essay a day. I am on day 19. I will likely be out here beyond 66 days. It has been a treasured companion! Hope all is well.